Notice a more basic problem with Tyler's comment. As Charley Hooper and I explain in our book, Making Great Decisions in Business and Life, you can't explain a change by pointing to something that's constant.
Notice a more basic problem with Tyler's comment. As Charley Hooper and I explain in our book, Making Great Decisions in Business and Life, you can't explain a change by pointing to something that's constant.
One thing that has changed, I think, are the expectations for parental time investments in children. If you look at the parenting strategies that many parents adopt (myself included), they simply cannot scale up to a large family. Thus, people seem completely baffled by how parents could possibly raise a family with six children, or more. There's an unstated assumption that some degree of neglect must be occurring. They don't realize that large families employ a different parenting technology. My grandfather was the third of fifteen children (all 15 from the same two parents). He did not spend hours of one-on-one time with his mom or dad doing "enrichment activities." He did spend a lot of time playing with his (many) siblings. And his parents did spend time with the children, though typically in a group setting of some sort (mom reading to all the children together, for instance).
I have seven, and beneath the surface level "are you insane?" and "are you super-religious?" (we're not religious at all) questions, there's always a stigma associated with big families, the idea that they can't control their children as well as people with two. Luckily, there are several other families who have five or six young kids in our town, and we look out for each other. But I always feel judged.
When a parent with 1-2 kids sees such a big family, it's an unsolicited reminder of their own decision against having more kids. And (for many people) that is one of those decisions they prefer to keep walled off from reconsideration, which is easier to do around other small families, and harder to do when your pack of howl-at-the-moon kids is running all over town withholding external validation, lol. Fwiw I think your happiness with those trade-offs will increase over time, cheers.
Funny thing is, I don't remotely care if you have 0 kids or 10, and neither does anyone in my big family friends. You do you--I'm too busy cleaning up spit up from the youngers and cheering on the olders to worry about someone else's choices.
I don't helicopter parent, but extra kids are extra expense. Especially once we got past two, it becomes hard for both parents to work. Daycare is crazy expensive. After 2020 we simply won't do public school, so that tuition bill keeps going even when they are five. You don't need to be a helicopter parent to want them to play some sports and do other activities growing up. You need an bigger hotel room, a bigger car, a bigger house.
A lot of these problems could be solved by just returning some of my taxes in acknowledgment of all these future social security revenue generators I'm paying to raise.
Notice a more basic problem with Tyler's comment. As Charley Hooper and I explain in our book, Making Great Decisions in Business and Life, you can't explain a change by pointing to something that's constant.
One thing that has changed, I think, are the expectations for parental time investments in children. If you look at the parenting strategies that many parents adopt (myself included), they simply cannot scale up to a large family. Thus, people seem completely baffled by how parents could possibly raise a family with six children, or more. There's an unstated assumption that some degree of neglect must be occurring. They don't realize that large families employ a different parenting technology. My grandfather was the third of fifteen children (all 15 from the same two parents). He did not spend hours of one-on-one time with his mom or dad doing "enrichment activities." He did spend a lot of time playing with his (many) siblings. And his parents did spend time with the children, though typically in a group setting of some sort (mom reading to all the children together, for instance).
I have seven, and beneath the surface level "are you insane?" and "are you super-religious?" (we're not religious at all) questions, there's always a stigma associated with big families, the idea that they can't control their children as well as people with two. Luckily, there are several other families who have five or six young kids in our town, and we look out for each other. But I always feel judged.
I'm always fascinated by people without a religious community who have a lot of kids. How do you do it without social support?
With a massive chip on my shoulder and an acknowledgment that most days I'm pretty happy with the trade-offs I've made.
When a parent with 1-2 kids sees such a big family, it's an unsolicited reminder of their own decision against having more kids. And (for many people) that is one of those decisions they prefer to keep walled off from reconsideration, which is easier to do around other small families, and harder to do when your pack of howl-at-the-moon kids is running all over town withholding external validation, lol. Fwiw I think your happiness with those trade-offs will increase over time, cheers.
Funny thing is, I don't remotely care if you have 0 kids or 10, and neither does anyone in my big family friends. You do you--I'm too busy cleaning up spit up from the youngers and cheering on the olders to worry about someone else's choices.
I don't helicopter parent, but extra kids are extra expense. Especially once we got past two, it becomes hard for both parents to work. Daycare is crazy expensive. After 2020 we simply won't do public school, so that tuition bill keeps going even when they are five. You don't need to be a helicopter parent to want them to play some sports and do other activities growing up. You need an bigger hotel room, a bigger car, a bigger house.
A lot of these problems could be solved by just returning some of my taxes in acknowledgment of all these future social security revenue generators I'm paying to raise.
Good point.
Bryan seemed to be alluding to that when he asked why it took so long.
I agree. I just like seeing the point made explicitly as well as obliquely.