When I was a child, I had little time for other children. Adults were more interesting, knew more, could offer useful insights when offered a crazy scenario. Most kids (boys) I knew wanted to talk about sports or, as they got older, rock bands (video games were a thing of the future). And then there were the bullies.
When I was a child, I had little time for other children. Adults were more interesting, knew more, could offer useful insights when offered a crazy scenario. Most kids (boys) I knew wanted to talk about sports or, as they got older, rock bands (video games were a thing of the future). And then there were the bullies.
When I became an adult, I noticed that children were mostly fine - and appeared to think I was fine. But I seemed not to interest them, nor they me.
Then, through traumatic events affecting a young friend who had just finished college, I learned about "family law" and "child support".
Society's message was loud and clear: unless having a child is the most important priority in your life, do not risk fatherhood (in or out of wedlock) - because if you do and the mother so chooses, we will treat you like a felon on 20-year parole. For one child we will take a quarter (or so) of your pretax income potential. This will not be an additional income tax: it will be an assessment and you will owe it even if you earn less than we expect or are temporarily out of work. It will not actually go to the child, nor need any of it be spent on the child. It may greatly exceed the cost to raise the child yourself, and we will not limit it. We will subject you to regular intrusive monitoring of your income potential. If you fail to pay, you will go to jail. You will be accorded the rights of an income-generating human property (and there's a name for that). And, if you get married, or have more than one child, all that's just the beginning!
Like many young adults, I dreamed of finding "the one" and although I wasn't enthusiastic about children I knew that "the one" was likely to want some, which was a tradeoff I could make peace with. Kids, while uninteresting, seemed generally okay. I might even like them, who knew? It might be fun.
But at that price?
Before I was 30 - decades ago, now - I had very reluctantly arrived at my answer. I abandoned the search for "the one". I do not have children. Yes, I might well have been happier on the traditional path, had it worked out well. But society made its preferences very clear, and the penalties very compelling. I did what society wanted - so don't come to me now and ask why.
When I was a child, I had little time for other children. Adults were more interesting, knew more, could offer useful insights when offered a crazy scenario. Most kids (boys) I knew wanted to talk about sports or, as they got older, rock bands (video games were a thing of the future). And then there were the bullies.
When I became an adult, I noticed that children were mostly fine - and appeared to think I was fine. But I seemed not to interest them, nor they me.
Then, through traumatic events affecting a young friend who had just finished college, I learned about "family law" and "child support".
Society's message was loud and clear: unless having a child is the most important priority in your life, do not risk fatherhood (in or out of wedlock) - because if you do and the mother so chooses, we will treat you like a felon on 20-year parole. For one child we will take a quarter (or so) of your pretax income potential. This will not be an additional income tax: it will be an assessment and you will owe it even if you earn less than we expect or are temporarily out of work. It will not actually go to the child, nor need any of it be spent on the child. It may greatly exceed the cost to raise the child yourself, and we will not limit it. We will subject you to regular intrusive monitoring of your income potential. If you fail to pay, you will go to jail. You will be accorded the rights of an income-generating human property (and there's a name for that). And, if you get married, or have more than one child, all that's just the beginning!
Like many young adults, I dreamed of finding "the one" and although I wasn't enthusiastic about children I knew that "the one" was likely to want some, which was a tradeoff I could make peace with. Kids, while uninteresting, seemed generally okay. I might even like them, who knew? It might be fun.
But at that price?
Before I was 30 - decades ago, now - I had very reluctantly arrived at my answer. I abandoned the search for "the one". I do not have children. Yes, I might well have been happier on the traditional path, had it worked out well. But society made its preferences very clear, and the penalties very compelling. I did what society wanted - so don't come to me now and ask why.