I run a dating advice community for nerds, and our heuristic for the first date is similar: escalate intimacy until you find the limit of what's comfortable, then don't cross that limit.
Failure modes:
1) In many cases novice daters fail to realize a one-on-one interaction is, in fact, an opportunity to be intimate (a "date"), which lead…
I run a dating advice community for nerds, and our heuristic for the first date is similar: escalate intimacy until you find the limit of what's comfortable, then don't cross that limit.
Failure modes:
1) In many cases novice daters fail to realize a one-on-one interaction is, in fact, an opportunity to be intimate (a "date"), which leads to people hanging out with their crush without even attempting to get handsy. One user had to be convinced for months to touch his crush who visited his place repeatedly.
2) Many people are not used to physical intimacy, or afraid to appear creepy, so they stick to "safe" escalation ways like compliments, gifts etc. which typically don't lead anywhere. Here's where handholding advice is good, but I'd say if handholding goes well, why not try cuddling, and then kissing and so forth. I was shocked when I started doing that and realized how far I can go on a first meeting.
3) Just jumping straight from handshakes into groping and unwanted kissing? Honestly haven't seen this failure mode before, but it's possible. People who have problems dating are overwhelmingly too timid rather than too forward.
4) Repeated advances even after clear indication they're unwelcome. However, if conditionals are involved ("Not here, there are too many people") it could be permissible to try again later ("How about we go to a more private place?")
In general, I agree with the sentiment "Instead of trying to figure out if someone likes you or not, try to get intimate and see if they reject you or not", but only when it comes to online dating - dating this way at work or at a social group can lead to dangerous fallouts if you're inexperienced.
I run a dating advice community for nerds, and our heuristic for the first date is similar: escalate intimacy until you find the limit of what's comfortable, then don't cross that limit.
Failure modes:
1) In many cases novice daters fail to realize a one-on-one interaction is, in fact, an opportunity to be intimate (a "date"), which leads to people hanging out with their crush without even attempting to get handsy. One user had to be convinced for months to touch his crush who visited his place repeatedly.
2) Many people are not used to physical intimacy, or afraid to appear creepy, so they stick to "safe" escalation ways like compliments, gifts etc. which typically don't lead anywhere. Here's where handholding advice is good, but I'd say if handholding goes well, why not try cuddling, and then kissing and so forth. I was shocked when I started doing that and realized how far I can go on a first meeting.
3) Just jumping straight from handshakes into groping and unwanted kissing? Honestly haven't seen this failure mode before, but it's possible. People who have problems dating are overwhelmingly too timid rather than too forward.
4) Repeated advances even after clear indication they're unwelcome. However, if conditionals are involved ("Not here, there are too many people") it could be permissible to try again later ("How about we go to a more private place?")
In general, I agree with the sentiment "Instead of trying to figure out if someone likes you or not, try to get intimate and see if they reject you or not", but only when it comes to online dating - dating this way at work or at a social group can lead to dangerous fallouts if you're inexperienced.