Yeah, in general, it's a bad idea to ask. I've tried both asking before the action and just doing the action, the latter is much better.
I think that the extreme emphasis on explicit "enthusiastic consent" pushed at universities especially harms nerdy men. I recall them even going as far as to suggest that you do so for a first kiss. I l…
Yeah, in general, it's a bad idea to ask. I've tried both asking before the action and just doing the action, the latter is much better.
I think that the extreme emphasis on explicit "enthusiastic consent" pushed at universities especially harms nerdy men. I recall them even going as far as to suggest that you do so for a first kiss. I literally did that with a date, and while I DID get it, she grimaced and said "yes, but you don't have to ask". On other dates, when I did not verbally ask, the response has always been much better.
However, I didn't start doing this sooner because 1) nerd and 2) the ideology around this made me think that it would be morally wrong to do so, because I could violate her boundaries/piss her off, etc. It was only when my buddy explicitly taught me how to gauge a woman's interest that I understood that it is possible to respectfully escalate physical intimacy without a verbal request. You just find excuses to touch her, starting with very benign stuff like tapping her on the arm as you make a point, and see how she reacts. If it's positive, you can try something slightly more intimate later. If not, just fuck off for a bit and try again with something similarly benign later. If the signals keep looking bad, just stop altogether. The PUAs call this kino escalation, but they don't own behavioral patterns that humans have been enacting for millennia, it's just a fine-to-do human thing.
I'm still pretty socially awkward but this helped me a shit ton. Some of my friends are still drinking the Kool-Aid though, and they remain suspicious of initiating even the most mundane contact with a woman; unsurprisingly, they are single.
Yeah, in general, it's a bad idea to ask. I've tried both asking before the action and just doing the action, the latter is much better.
I think that the extreme emphasis on explicit "enthusiastic consent" pushed at universities especially harms nerdy men. I recall them even going as far as to suggest that you do so for a first kiss. I literally did that with a date, and while I DID get it, she grimaced and said "yes, but you don't have to ask". On other dates, when I did not verbally ask, the response has always been much better.
However, I didn't start doing this sooner because 1) nerd and 2) the ideology around this made me think that it would be morally wrong to do so, because I could violate her boundaries/piss her off, etc. It was only when my buddy explicitly taught me how to gauge a woman's interest that I understood that it is possible to respectfully escalate physical intimacy without a verbal request. You just find excuses to touch her, starting with very benign stuff like tapping her on the arm as you make a point, and see how she reacts. If it's positive, you can try something slightly more intimate later. If not, just fuck off for a bit and try again with something similarly benign later. If the signals keep looking bad, just stop altogether. The PUAs call this kino escalation, but they don't own behavioral patterns that humans have been enacting for millennia, it's just a fine-to-do human thing.
I'm still pretty socially awkward but this helped me a shit ton. Some of my friends are still drinking the Kool-Aid though, and they remain suspicious of initiating even the most mundane contact with a woman; unsurprisingly, they are single.