On Trying Your Best and Being Disappointed
A guest post by Alex Epstein
Seven years ago, Fossil Future author Alex Epstein posted this on Facebook. Seven years later, I still liked it so much that I got his permission to share it with the world. Enjoy, and be improved.
One of my least favorite experiences short-term but most valuable experiences long-term is trying my best and not getting the results I want.
This has happened so many times in my career, often in the forms of things you haven’t seen—articles that were never published, products that were never released, initiatives that never got good enough to launch.
Sometimes it happens with live events and today was one of those days.
What was originally supposed to be a 25-minute uninterrupted debate with the CEO of the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation in front of a packed room of 500+ became...two opening statements followed by a biased Q&A by a biased moderator, against a former governor that almost no one knows, in front of a half-filled area of 150 people.
I prepared very hard for the event and the promised format. I thought a lot about my audience and how to reach them. I really cared about getting my point across. During my preparation I eagerly hoped for the direct debate after the opening statements. It never came, and while I handled the situation decently my overall feeling was: what a @#$#@%( waste of time and energy and emotion.
But based on past experience, I expect to get a lot of value out of it. I’m not referring primarily to the people who saw it who will be positively influenced despite the format debacle and my non-great adaptation to it. The shortcomings of the event and of my performance (regardless of the balance of blame) are real and will make it much less positively influential than I planned for.
But here’s what I did get:
Every time I work hard on new content I have a permanent source of new, improved material.
Every time I try new approaches I get info on what works and what doesn’t.
Every time I am dissatisfied with my performance I learn about areas I can improve, arguments I need more efficient responses to, and opposition tactics I need to anticipate next time.
Every time I am disappointed with an outcome that involves factors outside my control it’s an opportunity to get better at managing expectations.
Every time I am dissatisfied with a venue or host I learn about what terms to demand upfront and how to react if they are violated.
Every time I am dissatisfied with how I spent my time it’s an opportunity to think about priorities.
These benefits would not be nearly as great had I not tried my best in the first place. If I don’t try my best I can always revert to: That didn’t go well because I didn’t try my best. When I try my best and am disappointed, all the learning is about *the best version of myself to date*. That’s a very pure, high-density form of learning. It leads to the most rapid progress.
But in my experience it requires a lot of vulnerability and taking a lot of criticism or disappointment in a vulnerable state. I don’t consider myself particularly good at taking criticism/disappointment dispassionately, but I am really good at learning from it no matter how I feel.
Right now, I feel disappointed. Tomorrow, I will be more capable. Next week, watch out.
Cartoon: "self-help is like a vaccine"
What has Caplan got against self-help?!
Jerry Seinfeld's commencement speech at Duke made exactly this point. He was funnier, but not better.