The Conformity of Silence
Talk to strangers even though it's weird
“Never talk to strangers.” Plenty of parents teach this paranoid lesson, but hardly any need to. Most kids refuse to talk to strangers even if their parents order them to do so.
“You want a refill on your soda? Just go up to the nice lady over there and ask her.”
“Nooooo, I can’t!”
“I have to do it for you?”
“Pleeeease.”
You were probably picturing a little kid, but most teens are the same way. Indeed, the problem often gets worse as kids “mature”:
“You want X. Just go ask for it.”
“I’d rather live without it.”
“What could possibly go wrong?”
“I’ll look weird.”
The problem is especially severe, of course, when there is romantic attraction. There’s no age limit to fear of rejection!
“She’s so great.”
“Fine, go ask her out.”
“I’d rather die!”
“What could possibly go wrong?”
“I just can’t.”
What’s preventing people from initiating conversations, in a word, is conformism. “Approaching strangers and talking to them isn’t normal. I can only do normal things.” The problem? At least in modern societies, conformism mandates silence.
Which is terrible, because wonderful opportunities are waiting for anyone with the courage to speak. Never talk to strangers?! If you never talk to strangers, you never make any friends. And in case you haven’t heard, friendship rules the world.
My recommendation, as usual: Embrace non-conformism. Speak freely in a friendly manner to anyone you wish. Weird? Sure. But I assure you, on balance it works well.
If that behavioral change is too radical for you to stomach, start small. Ask cashiers about their days — and actually engage their responses. Talk to strangers in line at amusement parks. Cold email Internet personalities you admire. Greet all your co-workers and neighbors. Whenever you see the same person a second time, think “Oh, it’s them.” You aren’t just improving your social skills by speaking to others; you’re improving your non-conforming skills by speaking to others when it’s “weird” to do so.
Is it possible that you’re bothering people? That they prefer studied silence? Sure, it’s possible. More likely, however, they’re at least a little lonely and will appreciate your non-conformist behavior. Realistically, the worst that can happen is they’ll deliberately ignore you. Which brings you back to your original position of mutual silence.
Silence is not golden. Silence is sad. Silence is the sound of missed opportunities. One of the greatest applications of non-conformism is to recover these missed opportunities by breaking the silence. Make new friends. Find true love. And get your drink refilled. Try it and see (some of) your dreams come true. Often in a matter of minutes.
"....in a word, is conformism"....and SHYNESS surely? which doesn't equate with conformism in my experience. "Silence is the sound of missed opportunities".....have you never wanted someone to just shut the hell up?
Sorry to be contrary here....maybe I should just have kept silent.
Here's a wonderful aspect of humanity: There are far more nice strangers than strangers who will do you harm. I read somewhere that a child should be taught when advice is needed to "always" initiate an interaction with a random adult and never wait for a random adult to offer help.