I thought "cope" meant the total opposite of your meaning.
Cope = That is you make excuses for your failures in order to avoid making difficult choices to change the outcome.
From your link:
---
John: "I asked Kelly out, but she rejected me. But I ain't mad, she was an ugly bitch anyway. It's her loss!"
Peter: "Cope. You obviously wanted to date her. Otherwise you wouldn't have asked her out."
---
In this scenario John should recognize that either he wasn't good enough to have his offer accepted or he is asking out the wrong people. In either case the recognition of this fact should cause a change of behavior (either self improvement or a change in who John propositions) that would be more likely to lead to success.
Coping is John pretending his rejection contains within it no information about his situation worth reflecting on, despite the obvious fact that it does.
I will offer one other example.
Throughout the summer there was a lot of "copium" about the Ukranian counter offensive. Go back and read the news and every week you would be told that "oh yeah it's really super secret special working you just can't see it." In reality it seems everyone knew it wouldn't work from before it even started, but they "copiumed" themselves into forcing a bunch of shanghaied conscripts to Banzai charge themselves into minefields.
I'm sure Russian State TV has lots of copium on it, this isn't about taking a side in the conflict about who has more copium. I'm just more exposed to the kind I'm subjected too.
A similar kind of copium happened throughout WWI, generals copiumed themselves about how the next idiotic offensive wasn't going to fail like the last.
The obvious thing people should have done is accepted the facts as they are and then take rational steps to lead to better outcomes.
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/cope ("to struggle or deal, especially on fairly even terms or with some degree of success" / "to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, especially successfully or in a calm or adequate manner)
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cope ("to deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties" / "to maintain a contest or combat usually on even terms or with success")
Et cetera. It seems either the most common usage of the word simply has changed over the decades, or different cultural environments (say, incel-sphere or Reddit compared to academia) have begun using the word in different, mutually exclusive ways.
I have to admit I'm thankful I haven't acquainted myself too well with the connotation you presented.
My sense of how the word is generally used online matches forumposter's for the most part. Granted that is very different from the dictionary definition, but then words are getting corrupted all the time. I still get irritated by how people use "ironic" or "begging the question", let alone using "fraught" without saying what the subject is fraught with!
But yea, generally people don't seem to use it quite the way Caplan describes but more in the "you are just making up reasons why your actions weren't wrong" sense. The "Soviet centralized agriculture planning wasn't a terrible idea; they just had 40 years of bad weather" of modern every day life.
Then again, it wouldn't surprise me in the least to find that people are using the same word with very different meanings and implications in different places. That's the real danger of sloppy use of language: we are reasoning with symbols unattached to what they symbolize.
People will also say "cope and seethe", for example. Basically, sit there and be angry because you just got your butt handed to you.
The other way is the way you or OP described where it's used to signify a form of self delusion. I've never heard it used to mean a form of realistic self reflection and improvement. Maybe that's Bryan's point?
Thinking about this more, I think the confusion is rooted in the notion that coping is itself neither positive or negative, but there are good ways to cope and bad ways. I am reminded that the main situation I hear people use the word cope is in the sense of "coping strategies", basically how people deal with disappointing or frustrating events and situations, and particularly how we teach children to deal with it. I think Bryan is thinking of good coping strategies, which are of course absolutely necessary to deal with life as it is, but the main way it is often used online is in (sloppy) terms of bad coping strategies, which often make things worse or keep one from dealing with the real problem.
So for example a child who gets a bad grade on a test could cope well by focusing on what they did well and planning on how they will improve their skills, or cope poorly by deciding they were perfect already and the teacher just hates them so nothing they do will matter.
Interestingly, I have noticed in some cases those who wish to push a victimization agenda do sometimes accuse those who don't say the equivalent of "the teacher hates me" of merely coping instead of dealing with how bad things really are. Not in the case of incels as Bryan's example, but then I don't spend much time on that topic. It is a fair point though that whether coping is good or bad does depend a great deal on what the underlying reality is, and people who have a stake in convincing you reality is one way will call your coping negative if you disagree with it.
I think the term “copium”, which is often associated with the image of someone getting high on some soothing drug called “copium” implies the “bad coping strategy”. The -ium obviously relates to opium.
Like I knew a pothead once that every time he had a minor setback got high. That was how he “coped” and it wasn’t a good way ti cope. It meant he was a worthless stoner who didn’t do much with his life.
In British English 'cope' still means what it always meant, namely 'to deal with something' or 'make the best of'. I suspect it's meaning has morphed and branched in America due to frat girls misunderstanding its proper use and other Americans following their lead.
Can someone please introduce me to some incels?! I've met so many young women abroad who are desperate to find a man to marry in the US. If the goal is marriage and settling down no man in the US should have a hard time finding a partner.
Correct me if I wrong, but those women in Albania who are seeking US husbands are seeking husbands with enough money to financially support them totally at least for a few months, and then provide the majority of their support after that. Most--but not all--INCELS have trouble financially supporting just themselves . . . as in they live in their mother's basement. That's a large reason they're INCELS.
I'm not knocking them. Times are hard, but I don't think most INCELS are candidates for your Albanian women.
Ideal scenario: an incel connects with someone abroad (who speaks English). After however long they meet in person and decide to legally marry. After 3-6 months the new American immigrant get their passport and can live and work with their ex incel partner in the United States. They can support themselves until they get out of mom’s basement.
Non-ideal scenario: they meet online and marry after a very short time and quickly realize they had completely different expectations compared to the reality of married life. A messy divorce ensues.
Conclusion: the non-ideal scenario is rare. Don’t let the possibility distract from the obvious fact that many simply don’t explore their options to the fullest. If you think of partnership like any other market Americans are not utilizing their advantage over others countries. Which countries? Virtually any poorer than the US (90% of the world? More?).
We're all going to die eventually. But we'll also be resurrected and, if we have united our lives to Christ, get to live forever in bliss by the river that flows from His throne.
Bryan doesn't believe that, of course. Many others do.
But it has ramifications for "cope." To Christians, the idea that we're all going to die and cease to exist is not only to horrible to be tolerable, but too horrible to be *plausible.*
There is too much good order and beauty and wisdom on the world for it not to be the work of a Creator too good to let it all come to nothing.
This brings to mind Handel's beautiful rendition of Paul in his "The trumpet shall sound": O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? Or as Donne put it, "Death, be not proud...Death, thou shalt die."
This is entirely different from the definition of “to cope” that I learned. To cope is to “adapt and overcome”. It is “to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them.”
How we respond to what happens to us is everything; in most instances we have agency with regard to how we want to respond. Hans Selye once upon a time said stress not the issue, but how we choose to respond to it.
Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
You can't always choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you react to it. And how you choose to respond, in either good times or bad, has a LOT to do with how things will be in your life farther down the road. Give up, complain, blame others, and your situation is not likely to improve. Take responsibility, look for opportunities, and work hard, and things probably will improve.
Well, sure, but Caplan is saying (I think) that nihilism has now reached into the "self-help" industry, creating a sort of "anti-self-help" movement. That seems like a new low.
Kantian nihilism strikes again. Im surprised only by the application. Self-help may have been started by ayn rand and nathaniel branden. So the opponents of the focused mind have attacked living well and happiness because it is self-initiated. As Der Furor Hisself, said, "Independence scares the livin' begeezus outta me!"
I thought "cope" meant the total opposite of your meaning.
Cope = That is you make excuses for your failures in order to avoid making difficult choices to change the outcome.
From your link:
---
John: "I asked Kelly out, but she rejected me. But I ain't mad, she was an ugly bitch anyway. It's her loss!"
Peter: "Cope. You obviously wanted to date her. Otherwise you wouldn't have asked her out."
---
In this scenario John should recognize that either he wasn't good enough to have his offer accepted or he is asking out the wrong people. In either case the recognition of this fact should cause a change of behavior (either self improvement or a change in who John propositions) that would be more likely to lead to success.
Coping is John pretending his rejection contains within it no information about his situation worth reflecting on, despite the obvious fact that it does.
I will offer one other example.
Throughout the summer there was a lot of "copium" about the Ukranian counter offensive. Go back and read the news and every week you would be told that "oh yeah it's really super secret special working you just can't see it." In reality it seems everyone knew it wouldn't work from before it even started, but they "copiumed" themselves into forcing a bunch of shanghaied conscripts to Banzai charge themselves into minefields.
I'm sure Russian State TV has lots of copium on it, this isn't about taking a side in the conflict about who has more copium. I'm just more exposed to the kind I'm subjected too.
A similar kind of copium happened throughout WWI, generals copiumed themselves about how the next idiotic offensive wasn't going to fail like the last.
The obvious thing people should have done is accepted the facts as they are and then take rational steps to lead to better outcomes.
"Cope = That is you make excuses for your failures in order to avoid making difficult choices to change the outcome."
This doesn't match the way I've understood the word cope, and it doesn't match the way any dictionary I know of defines the word, either.
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/cope ("to deal successfully with a difficult situation")
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/cope ("to struggle or deal, especially on fairly even terms or with some degree of success" / "to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, especially successfully or in a calm or adequate manner)
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cope ("to deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties" / "to maintain a contest or combat usually on even terms or with success")
Et cetera. It seems either the most common usage of the word simply has changed over the decades, or different cultural environments (say, incel-sphere or Reddit compared to academia) have begun using the word in different, mutually exclusive ways.
I have to admit I'm thankful I haven't acquainted myself too well with the connotation you presented.
My sense of how the word is generally used online matches forumposter's for the most part. Granted that is very different from the dictionary definition, but then words are getting corrupted all the time. I still get irritated by how people use "ironic" or "begging the question", let alone using "fraught" without saying what the subject is fraught with!
But yea, generally people don't seem to use it quite the way Caplan describes but more in the "you are just making up reasons why your actions weren't wrong" sense. The "Soviet centralized agriculture planning wasn't a terrible idea; they just had 40 years of bad weather" of modern every day life.
Then again, it wouldn't surprise me in the least to find that people are using the same word with very different meanings and implications in different places. That's the real danger of sloppy use of language: we are reasoning with symbols unattached to what they symbolize.
People will also say "cope and seethe", for example. Basically, sit there and be angry because you just got your butt handed to you.
The other way is the way you or OP described where it's used to signify a form of self delusion. I've never heard it used to mean a form of realistic self reflection and improvement. Maybe that's Bryan's point?
Thinking about this more, I think the confusion is rooted in the notion that coping is itself neither positive or negative, but there are good ways to cope and bad ways. I am reminded that the main situation I hear people use the word cope is in the sense of "coping strategies", basically how people deal with disappointing or frustrating events and situations, and particularly how we teach children to deal with it. I think Bryan is thinking of good coping strategies, which are of course absolutely necessary to deal with life as it is, but the main way it is often used online is in (sloppy) terms of bad coping strategies, which often make things worse or keep one from dealing with the real problem.
So for example a child who gets a bad grade on a test could cope well by focusing on what they did well and planning on how they will improve their skills, or cope poorly by deciding they were perfect already and the teacher just hates them so nothing they do will matter.
Interestingly, I have noticed in some cases those who wish to push a victimization agenda do sometimes accuse those who don't say the equivalent of "the teacher hates me" of merely coping instead of dealing with how bad things really are. Not in the case of incels as Bryan's example, but then I don't spend much time on that topic. It is a fair point though that whether coping is good or bad does depend a great deal on what the underlying reality is, and people who have a stake in convincing you reality is one way will call your coping negative if you disagree with it.
I think the term “copium”, which is often associated with the image of someone getting high on some soothing drug called “copium” implies the “bad coping strategy”. The -ium obviously relates to opium.
Like I knew a pothead once that every time he had a minor setback got high. That was how he “coped” and it wasn’t a good way ti cope. It meant he was a worthless stoner who didn’t do much with his life.
That’s how I see it used online.
"Throughout the summer there was a lot of "copium" about the Ukranian counter offensive."
You mean "hopium" . . . big difference. "Copium" is good. "Hopium" is deluded.
In British English 'cope' still means what it always meant, namely 'to deal with something' or 'make the best of'. I suspect it's meaning has morphed and branched in America due to frat girls misunderstanding its proper use and other Americans following their lead.
Can someone please introduce me to some incels?! I've met so many young women abroad who are desperate to find a man to marry in the US. If the goal is marriage and settling down no man in the US should have a hard time finding a partner.
In which countries did you meet these women?
Albania, mostly
Secret
Correct me if I wrong, but those women in Albania who are seeking US husbands are seeking husbands with enough money to financially support them totally at least for a few months, and then provide the majority of their support after that. Most--but not all--INCELS have trouble financially supporting just themselves . . . as in they live in their mother's basement. That's a large reason they're INCELS.
I'm not knocking them. Times are hard, but I don't think most INCELS are candidates for your Albanian women.
Ideal scenario: an incel connects with someone abroad (who speaks English). After however long they meet in person and decide to legally marry. After 3-6 months the new American immigrant get their passport and can live and work with their ex incel partner in the United States. They can support themselves until they get out of mom’s basement.
Non-ideal scenario: they meet online and marry after a very short time and quickly realize they had completely different expectations compared to the reality of married life. A messy divorce ensues.
Conclusion: the non-ideal scenario is rare. Don’t let the possibility distract from the obvious fact that many simply don’t explore their options to the fullest. If you think of partnership like any other market Americans are not utilizing their advantage over others countries. Which countries? Virtually any poorer than the US (90% of the world? More?).
We're all going to die eventually. But we'll also be resurrected and, if we have united our lives to Christ, get to live forever in bliss by the river that flows from His throne.
Bryan doesn't believe that, of course. Many others do.
But it has ramifications for "cope." To Christians, the idea that we're all going to die and cease to exist is not only to horrible to be tolerable, but too horrible to be *plausible.*
There is too much good order and beauty and wisdom on the world for it not to be the work of a Creator too good to let it all come to nothing.
This brings to mind Handel's beautiful rendition of Paul in his "The trumpet shall sound": O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? Or as Donne put it, "Death, be not proud...Death, thou shalt die."
A cope? Perhaps. But a true one.
>We're all going to die eventually.
When St. Peter asks if you ever had a Canadian moose-and-creole seasoning pizza, what will you say?
This is entirely different from the definition of “to cope” that I learned. To cope is to “adapt and overcome”. It is “to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them.”
How we respond to what happens to us is everything; in most instances we have agency with regard to how we want to respond. Hans Selye once upon a time said stress not the issue, but how we choose to respond to it.
No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.
Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
You can't always choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you react to it. And how you choose to respond, in either good times or bad, has a LOT to do with how things will be in your life farther down the road. Give up, complain, blame others, and your situation is not likely to improve. Take responsibility, look for opportunities, and work hard, and things probably will improve.
Rage, Rage against the dying of the light
>Disappointment is a major feature of human life, especially if you’re trying to do anything worthwhile.
Man must accept the risk of knowledge.
-Ayn Rand
We need big failures if we're going to move the needle — billion-dollar scale failures. And if we're not, we're not swinging hard enough.
-Jeff Bezos, to employees
John Updike once said America is a conspiracy to make you happy...what happened to the youth?
I wasn't even aware of a nihilistic movement against systematic optimism. I will remain, systematically, an optimist! Interesting piece.
> I wasn't even aware of a nihilistic movement against systematic optimism.
How about the Leftist/nihilist hatred of:
-the West's scientific-industrial-capitalist civilization
-America
-the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness
-individual achievement
-independent judgment
-self-esteem
-the individual
-reality
-values
-focusing the mind onto reality
-
.
Well, sure, but Caplan is saying (I think) that nihilism has now reached into the "self-help" industry, creating a sort of "anti-self-help" movement. That seems like a new low.
Kantian nihilism strikes again. Im surprised only by the application. Self-help may have been started by ayn rand and nathaniel branden. So the opponents of the focused mind have attacked living well and happiness because it is self-initiated. As Der Furor Hisself, said, "Independence scares the livin' begeezus outta me!"
Bryan, "cope" specifically means _to rationalize_, not to find the honest best in your situation. It's not cope if it's honest.
Cope & Change
Enjoyed the article and all the comments. Insightful